Monday, October 27, 2014
Monday, October 13, 2014
A SCARY TAIL FROM THE GARAGE
Mwahahaha!!! Skunk the Cat here and this time my Tail from the Garage is a scary one!!!
After all, it is almost Halloween, the most wonderful time of year for a cat. Especially since this is our time to shine in the media. And not that most cats like to be the center of attention or anything but hey, who doesn't like a little bump in Twitter time or Instagram selfie marathons?
So here's to the magnificent creature that is the Halloween cat. Whether you be scaredy or mysterious, you have done more for this pawsome tradition than any reindeer ever did for that human in the red suit. And we don't tear up your roof shingles like a certain other breed of a holiday symbol.
But I would be letting down my human fan base if I didn't throw out a couple of reminders about how to keep your cats safe as they walk the walk of their bad Halloween selves. Because with media exposure comes myths and unholy tales that need to be dealt with. So here it goes:
1. Cats (gulp) need to be inside all year long (yup- I still choke on these words). But it gets even more important during Halloween. People who don't respect us think it's really funny to pull pranks on us or worse even, use us for props in ridiculous holiday tricks they do to others. And some of these tricks can even involve fire sometimes, so you get why this is important. But no worries, we still strike some pretty haunting poses silhouetted in moonlit windows. So everyone will still know you're rocking' the pawthentic holiday feel in your casa.
2. No matter how much we beg, plead or cat-jole DON'T GIVE US CANDY. We're not as sensitive to chocolate as dogs are. But hey, let's face it, they are a much more delicate species. But we still shouldn't eat human food. And when you think about it even humans shouldn't eat too much. So imagine how much less our smaller stomachs can handle. It's just best to keep it out of our reach. The good news though, is we won't fight as hard for candy as we will for...
3. Delicious Halloween decorations! Oh I can see them now! Swingy, string tethered delights all right there in every window for us to bat and whip around! Sa-weet!!!! But then bad things happen when they get caught in our tails or around our necks or sometimes even more likely, we get to gnawing a bit and we swallow more than we should. Bad kitty and bad trips to that place where they like to pick up your tail and check out things that are, quite frankly, nobody's business. Yikes!!! So while the other cats might frown on me sharing this- sometimes we need to be protected from our own delightful imaginations and the games they lead us into. Help us strike a pose a safe distance away from these tail tanglers.
And finally I want to send a special alert out for all my cat buddies like Scrappy who are all black. Black cats have a really bad rap as somehow they get blamed for all the world's bad luck. Not cool, dudes. Not cool at all. Cats are amazing and we add a certain je ne sais quoi to everywhere we live. Black cats are no different and have no evil powers. But somehow these myths get rolling and it's the black cats who really take the heat for it. So protect all your felines but especially look out for your all black ones. They definitely have a target on their back during this season.
"So hey, Skunk," you might now be asking, "what was so scary about this Tail from the Garage?" Fair question. But to answer I only have to point your attention to the picture above. Did you not see the spider dangling in the top corner? And while a spider sighting alone is enough to make a cat shudder on all four paws, I asked around Feline Friends to see if anyone else had ever seen that spider in the garage before. And they did, everyone of them. But the crazy thing is, they all had a story about how they had smacked that spider with a shoe and other heavy anti-spider objects. So I ask you, if that spider was long since gone from the garage, how did it get in the picture I took last Wednesday? That's right- it's a spider ghost! So you tell me, have you ever heard of anything so scary? Now imagine all the spiders you ever squished showing up in your next family photo as ghastly images hanging around your faces and square dancing in all your hair. Uh huh....now you're scared!!! My work here is done.
This is Skunk the Cat signing off to go spider ghost hunting. Happy Halloween, humans!!!
FOUR PAWS IN PEACE
WHAT DOES SIT-UP MEAN TO YOU?
Okay...yeah...I lost a bet. But I have a perfectly reasonable excuse. That's right- I was duped! Because here's how it played out. I was chillaxin in my bed while Alanna was very busy organizing food and searching for Christmas decorations in the garage. She will argue this with me- but she fell over while reaching for a box of blinky lights. She did. She tipped right over. But she denies it and claims some heroic act of grabbing cat litter boxes kept her from actually touching the floor. Whatever. This of course made me laugh. I find it absolutely hilarious that you humans have no sense of balance whatsoever. It's true- I can see why you stay out of trees.
Any hoo- turns out humans are super sensitive about this point and when I laughed it really set Alanna off. Right away she brings up the whole "so?- you got no thumbs, Skunk!" Like that even matters in this discussion. Dudes, it's not relevant- at all. Well one thing led to another and the next thing you know we got into this "proving our evolutionary accomplishments" contest.
First up was a foot race. Four paws to two I had her beat at the tweet of the starter's whistle. I'm that fast- oh yeah. And I really dig the sound of a tweet. It motivates me.
Next we sat at our respective desks and raced words per minute. As a professional blogger, I felt strong going into the battle. And for a laid back guy, I really am a fast typer. Unfortunately, I ended up shocked. I knew Alanna did some office work sometimes but I had no idea how much practice she had pounding on the keyboard. But whoa- she totally dusted me.
That left us tied at one evolutionary accomplishment a piece. So we spitballed ideas for the tie breaker. It was not easy to agree on a fair test. She said swim a mile. I said jump off the garage roof. It went back and forth awhile. And then she blurted out, "I know- a sit up contest!" I was immediately interested. I had heard of sit ups before and knew dogs were famous for them. And yo, if a dog can sit up once then a cat can sit up way more times- and with more style. I was in!
So it's possible that you've already figured out where I went wrong. Yeah. Not that kind of sit up. I only had to see her do one to know I had been hosed. There's no way I would have agreed to do that. Next thing I know, this holly-jolly get-up is picked out of a box and becomes my holiday blog suit. Oh the evil little sense of humor that Alanna has. But if there's one fact that we cats prove holiday after holiday it's this- you can dress us up in antlers and hats and silly red noses but you can not break the spirit of the dignified cat!
So what crazy get-ups are your cats humoring you and wearing this holiday season?
Four Paws in Peace
Thursday, October 9, 2014
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