Thursday, December 18, 2014

Hi ho ho ho!!! Skunk the Cat here and I just got back from lunch with Alanna. That’s right- this kitty’s been known to chow down on a cheeseburger or two. But I will admit that at first there was some miscommunication and I had thought she asked, “Hey Skunk wanna grab a tweet burger?” And there I was - ready to give her all kinds of credit for having the pre-neuters to call a chicken patty what it really is. But as you may have guessed, no, that’s not what she meant.

Anyhoo- as we all know, the holidays are here and with them come some of the best customs a human can participate in. I mean, the total reconstruction of the outdoors in a couch room has got to be the coolest thing since catnip got shaped into a ball. But since Alanna can’t get through a social engagement without pointing out a behavior or two of mine that she thinks is ridiculous I now need to share these cat safety tips (yes I lost another bet and no I don’t want to talk about it). 

So here are the arguments we had this time while we waited for our server to figure out that of course a cat would want a window seat in the restaurant. 

You gotta make sure you secure the tree.  First of all, let me just say thank you for the wonderful treat that is a tree. You bring all that fresh air goodness indoors, you make sure all those pesky monsters that Alanna is always going on about are shaken out of it and you leave it alone for the best hours of the day- nighttime!!! What is not to love? But here’s the thing. A tree’s gotta be green and cat’s gotta climb. And we are just so darn good at it. Have you seen how fast we can go floor to ceiling. It’s paw-inspiring! But it can also be a pretty dramatic moment when we realize the flaws of a tree stand compared to a solid root system. TV’s, lamps, small children- none of it’s safe when we answer that age old question “when a tree falls in the couch room, if no one’s there to hear it, does it still destroy everything in its path?” Survey says, “Oh yeah.”

Only put unbreakable/digestible ornaments within paws reach. I’ll never forget the grandiose sight that was my first tree. I mean, who could?  It was like Santa had come four weeks early and plopped a fully stocked cat toy right in front of my face. And not only was everything bright and shiny but it was all strung and swung with tiny hooks and strings- Shazam! But it’s all fun and games until someone’s got broken glass shards in their paw or garland coming out southern ports. Now that is a shame a cat should never feel.

Cords are not good beef jerky- I’ll never get the fascination you humans have with those white and green strings you leave dangling from the walls and running all over the floor. I never see you bat them and they don’t go anywhere to be chased. What I do know is that one time I got gnawing on one and suddenly I couldn’t feel my lips for a month. Not a cool feature when you share water bowls with friends. Nobody wants the drooling guy slurping next to them. So I guess the best advice I can give on this subject is to watch out for us and keep reminding us that numb lips are nobody’s friend.

Not all plants belong in salad or cole slaw- That’s right because some are just downright deadly. And while I am always amazed by the talents and skills evolution has graced my species with, we are not blessed with a great deal of knowledge in botany.  And I believe I speak for all cats when I say that we probably wouldn’t bother to read a posted note, so help us out and keep the poisonous plants out of the house. There are so many other ways to create the magical outdoor world inside without including things that can take out a kitty.

Okay, so I got another bet paid off and I’m really happy to have put this one behind me. Oh- and let’s just say- I won’t be so quick to try putting 3 cheeseburgers in my mouth at one time again. So I hope my tips have been helpful and if they keep just one kitty safe this holiday season it will have been worth the embarrassment of shooting a pickle out of my nose.
Happy holidays, everyone!!!


No comments:

Post a Comment